Learning Perspective Part 2

The way I viewed the act of surrender as well as the definition of dying to self and of pride, needed to change.  Religion has defined for us these things along with a kind of formula designed for getting rid of such pesky attributes.  In reality though, each person must go through his or her own adventure of finding out what it means to them; to surrender, to die to self and to find the poison in their pride along with all the other coined phrases and words used by the church at large.

Let me give you an example.  The church says that wives are to submit to and honor their husbands and then usually that concept is defined/designed for us as a one size fits all formula.  Well I can only imagine how many women cringe and tense up at the dreaded "submit" word!  I cringed too, but I still did my best to comply anyway according to what the church (at the very least) implied.  The thing is though, is that my husband did not feel honored by the conventional or stereotypical ways we as Christians are told to honor and submit to our husbands.  As a matter of fact, he did not want submission from me in any traditional sense.  Well this was a bit confusing at first, but after praying about it for some time I came to figure out that the key word I needed to focus on was not submit (a word that had become too tainted in my mind), but rather to honor.  Then I had to figure out what it meant to honor my husband in my own way.  My husband doesn't want to be "submitted" to or under.  He wants me to honor him with communication, presence, mutual respect and to work together to build a home.   You know how Jesus says to take his yoke because it is easy and light?  Mathew 11:30 This was immensely easier and lighter!  It's kind of like learning the love language in a way, figure out what fills their cup and you'll usually find out what it means for you personally to honor your man (or woman).

Another simpler example would be that of discipline.  Every child is different.  Some need a strong hand of discipline, but others need only a look, or a soft but stern spoken word to be chastened.  Each parent must do the work of finding out what makes the child cease bad behavior without diminishing or destroying the child's spirit .  My brothers needed to be spanked in order to cease bad behavior, whereas I felt my parents' wrath when they simply spoke low and firmly to me.  My daughter only feels sorry for and ceases her bad behavior if she is given a time out.  Everyone is different!

So, unbeknown to me, I would begin my journey of discovery in seas of frustration and oceans of uncertainty.  Of course I had no idea at the time what needed fixing, or even that anything was being fixed.  I only knew that I was miserable and couldn't figure out where God was in my life or what in the world He was doing.  Everything came at me so fast that I had no time to bury it all.

One thing that needed to change was my ideals, and how I viewed Godly perfection and purity.  I continuously need to surrender my ideals; to die to my own perceived self image.  Somehow I got all kinds of preconceived notions about what "good" and "bad" Christians looked like;  "good" Christian doesn't ever swear or drink, smoke or have fits of rage, or show too much joy, or share too much pain.  They're humble which meant they wouldn't acknowledge their God given talents or their hard work, but instead would say things like "I'm glad you were blessed by it", or "It was all God" or whatever other phrase they could come up with so they wouldn't have to take any credit.  Somehow I also got the notion that I needed to stuff all feelings of anger, frustration, and hurt, and that I needed to forget any injustices as if they didn't even happen.

You know how people say that God allows bad things to happen for a reason?  Or that He'll never give you more than you can handle?  Well, I learned that the first is true sometimes and the other is a load of crap.  The actual verse that phrase is supposed to have come from is 1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

I think God "gave" me or allowed so much to come at me so that I wouldn't be able to act as I normally would.  I was forced to crash, and to act outside of my usual amiability.  Normally, I would stuff the injustices down along with anger, and hurt.  At some point, I was stuffed to the point of bursting until I couldn't hold it any more.  I think I let some leak out at some point so that I could make room for more.  I am still finding that I am continuing to hide... but I am only recently figuring out that God is training me to rid myself of bitterness.

In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of doing wrong deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.
  -- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Growth in wisdom may be exactly measured by the decrease in bitterness.
  -- Friedrich Nietzsche

Part 3 to come next week :)