Risky Business

Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. Psalm 84:5

I have been trying to figure out all this week and last week what to write about. Thinking about it again this afternoon, coupled with some issues I've been struggling with, well here I am. I have been on a journey; one that is definitely not over, of figuring out what Christianity is to me.

Once again I am in the place of frustration. I have been struggling with internal issues, so I tried to listen to some Christian music on our local Christian music station. I was quickly so disgusted that I turned it off. I am realizing more and more how unbelievably commercialized everything is, and it would seem that the bigger this station gets, the more they are following this commercial suit.

Instead of regular commercial for Rogaine or Kohl's or whatever, they "talk about/promote" their Christian college. Then to make it worse, they use people's personal testimonies like some kind of commercial. You hear an emotional testimony or a need being expressed in the midst of deep pain and sorrow and then comes the announcer saying God is making a difference through our station (like, here's proof), oh and by the way we need your donations; then YOU TOO can help make a difference! Excuse me while I vomit! :( On top of all that is the cookie cutter image for the artists - they all talk and look the same and their music seems watered down. Granted this is not true of every Christian artist (there are the blessed few that stand out and naturally shine like they're supposed to), but you get the idea. I also realize the image thing is not a problem just in the Christian music genre but in most musical genres.

I am finding that what I truly appreciate these days is rawness. Rawness in the form of true honesty and candor. Rawness that is like nature sometimes - not always pretty, but beautiful in the whole picture of things. Take for example country music artist Miranda Lambert. She writes her own stuff and it seems pretty plain that she doesn't bother to soften it up for sensitive ears. No, she simply says it like it is and that's that. No need for a filthy mouth, but straight forward none the less. Not only that, she also paints a picture, tells a story and brings you in close to her experience. She doesn't (again this is just my perception) seem to hold you at arms length as if to say "hmmm are you mature enough to hear this?", no she grabs your ear, pulls you in close and says here's how it is and if you don't like it, don't listen. She knows who she is and what she's about and she isn't afraid to show it or to be herself.

On her web page her bio says "On the caution-vs.-candor scale, it's not hard to figure out where Miranda Lambert comes down. "I'm really not careful at all," she says. "I probably should be. I pretty much don't have anything to hide, though. I never hid anything growing up. My parents were P.I.s, so I really couldn't." She also says "I mean every word I say in every lyric of every song on this record, and every record I've ever done," she declares. "I would never take back one word or lyric or point I've ever made, because it's part of who I am. And there are plenty of artists who wouldn't do so much of that, if that's the kind of music you're into. But if you're into honesty, I have the records for you," she laughs."

We need more of that! In every area of our lives I think! If there is one thing (among many) that I definitely appreciate about my husband, it is that he is honest, brutally honest. :)

I feel like we have been overly careful, like we've been skirting around people's emotions and perceived feelings for so long that the world actually thinks we are just a skirt and not a people who know who we are, a people set apart, a people adored by our creator. We try so hard to be seen and heard that we become just like the rest of the world trying to gain their attention. The whole world is screaming to be noticed and we have joined the chaos instead of being that presence that stabilizes, calms and brings order. We can't even take a look from the outside-in because most of the time we are in!

We need some of that rawness. We need the unpolished and honest. We must be willing to get messy, make mistakes, feel, choose, experience and connect - with or without profit.

I am on a journey, I think, of looking for this rawness and for a place to re-establish and confirm my faith, but I cannot find it on the Christian radio, or even really at church. However, I know it's there, it's real and it is in me. It's a part of my makings, fused with my cells, muscles, nerves, heart and every other part of my body, mind, soul and spirit. I have to dig down deep and find out what is in there, who's in there. What is growing in me? What seeds have been planted? Who is this God I love and what - if anything - does He really expect from me, other than my imperfect human love?

And I said, This is my infirmity: but I will remember the years of the right hand of the most High. I will remember the works of the LORD: surely I will remember thy wonders of old. I will meditate also of all thy work, and talk of thy doings.
Psalm 77:10-12

Much Love,

Adrielle

Rest

Hush now my love
May your mind be at ease
Put away your schedule
Spend some time with me

Lay your head down
In this field of purest gold
Bathe in my sunlight
Let it warm your weary soul

Rest for a little while
Let your spirit breathe
Smell the sweet and calming scents
That are flowing on the breeze

Hear the waves of murmurs
Caressing the sandy shore
The saints and all their prayers
On your behalf implored

Listen to me closely
As I sing to you this song
Let the lyrics fill you
Again I'll make you strong

Like a silky ribbon
That shivers in the wind
So I'll stir your spirit
And birth my joy within

Take this peaceful moment
Place me first and never last
Take this time to rest
From a world that moves so fast

I'll hold you in my arms
And give you back your peace
Establish you in love
So your freedom is increased

By Adrielle R. Bollin



“I take the Support of the Lord's Lotus Feet; there is no other place of rest for me. I lean upon You as my Support, O Supreme Lord God. I exist only by Your Power.”

Sri Guru Granth Sahib

“He that can take rest is greater than he that can take cities”

Benjamin Franklin

Irresistible

Have you ever wondered why the secular world would not want to be a christian? A follower of Jesus? A Jesus freak, bible thumper, holy roller, or a bible zealot? I wondered that a lot... until I began hearing these kinds of phrases and even less when I began to hear stories of how my fellow well meaning Christians tried to "save" my unbelieving friends. After all, we know a marvelous and wonderful and generous God! What could you possibly see that would make you say no to following and getting to know Him?

Unfortunately, plenty. You know what they say about first impressions...

What I have consistently noticed about the stories I have heard is one word; desperation. It happens when you care about someone and want so badly for them to realize the truth and to see the light, that desperation moves in and takes over. Suddenly your beautiful truth turns into a one time offer that is only good for the next 2 minutes and if the person declines then they are going straight to hell! Then, just like that... BAM you are slapped with a lovely sticker that labels you a bible beater, Jesus Freak, etc.

Desperation in relationships is dangerous.


“Industry pays debts, while despair increaseth them”
Benjamin Franklin

Desperation is like stealing from the Mafia: you stand a good chance of attracting the wrong attention.
Douglas Horton

The truth is that the best influence one can have in relationships is to become irresistible. We've all known someone at sometime who had that certain something about them made us want to be around them. We are drawn to them, they are irresistible. They don't coheres or try to change you. Instead you change in spite of yourself. The funniest thing is that they probably said next to nothing to make you change. Or maybe the few carefully chosen words that were spoken were more than enough to get you moving on the right path.

Our words can be keys to unlocking hidden treasures one moment and slamming shut the prison doors another if we are not careful. One thing for sure though is that if you and I are able to show the world the best side of the Christian faith, it will be through love and not desperation. Love is the key - the center. Without love, we have nothing, are nothing, mean nothing.

1 Corinthians 13 (New International Version)

1.If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2.If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3.If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.

4.Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5.It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6.Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7.It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8.Love never fails.

I have looked for better definitions of true love, but ultimately the bible sums it up perfectly and if you'll notice, desperation is not even vaguely mentioned. In fact there is nothing desperate at all about this definition. It describes Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit, who they are, how they work, walk and speak.

Okay, so if love is patient, then why do we feel that the soul in need must surrender right now, this instant? If love is not rude, then why do we walk right over people and interrupt and ignore when doubts are expressed? If it is not self seeking or boastful, then why do we keep a tally of all those we've "won over"?

One thing I have noticed about stories of redemption (so to speak) is a different word; love. Love is irresistible when applied like the bible advises.

At church today Pastor Bob was talking about the testimony of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. The part he stressed was that their testimony is so great because they said

"If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." Daniel 3:17 and 18

Their testimony says whether God does what we hope or not, He is still God and we will still serve Him and love Him. We need to employ the same attitude in the secular world. Whether we "save" an unbeliever or not, our attitude should be consistent with this testimony. We should not allow our fear of failure to turn into desperation in order to rescue the world. That is after all, God's job. Our job is to be the irresistible light that attracts other flies like us to the warm glow of God's agape love.

How can we be this kind of beacon? It starts with friendship.



“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing... not healing, not curing... that is a friend who cares.”
Henri Nouwen quotes (Dutch Christian writer 1932 - 1996)

If there is one thing I have learned in my efforts, it is that people don't want to be preached at. If they wanted that, they would already be in a church of some kind. No, people need and want loyalty, honesty, depth, understanding, good company, a shoulder to cry on, and lean on. Think about your best friend and what qualities you appreciate the most. If you can be those things to others, that is what makes you a beacon, a shining light, a desirable addition to any group of people in this context.

Really the golden rule is again the perfect measuring stick. What would draw you? What would push you away? It's easier said than done and is probably seemingly a slower process, but when you invest yourself into people, you'll be amazed at the results. As always, I again preach to myself here as well, so I'll leave you with this last quote.

“Don't despair too much if you see beautiful things destroyed, if you see them perish. Because the best things are always growing in secret.”
Ben Okri

Much Love,

Adrielle

Lindalou

Darkest of hours and all of their weight
The deepest of shadows revealing such hate
The sickness that held me and made me a slave
The evil that lurked tracking it's prey

Where you had found me alone in my fright
Weary and beaten, abused day and night
Rest had long left and fear would reside
Ruling my body, destroying me inside

Long were the years of wicked demise
So many times when I thought I would die
Torture that broke me but still left the fire
But death couldn't have what it truly desired

You found me and carried me on a road long and thin
Packed with my memories of terrible sin
I cried out in anguish as I saw it pass by
But you held me close never once left my side

A battle was waged as my misery played
Gently you helped me to wash it away
Your blood was the cure your Spirit my guide
A slow but sure remedy that brought me back to life

Truth was then spoken and peace came to dwell
There, was a garden where once was my hell
How could this be, the nightmare was gone
When I forgave you told me I won

All of the hurt and all of the pain
Melted like wax to a candle wick's flame
Slowly the layers were peeled from my frame
Carefully, surgically, you washed away blame

You restored my soul one day at a time
Brought teachers, doctors, and wisdom divine
You made me lay down when I wanted to run
Forced me to rest till the healing was done

Strength began slowly to enter my being
Little by little all chains were releasing
The weight I had carried was thrown ocean deep
Returned to it's owner, in the devil's keep

Still you are working, your hands ever weaving
Working their "magic", ever they're speaking
You set up dates as well as the time
Always connecting the branches to the vine

Pouring your love, filling my soul
Nurturing my spirit making me whole
No more a slave, no longer held down
The sky is my limit, peace is my gown

By: Adrielle R. Bollin

The miracle of presence

Have you ever had that moment when you know you've been an arrogant, selfish twit? I just had that moment. God forgive me. I have gotten so much better with motherhood, but I still have what seems like too many of those selfish moments (like anyone I suppose) when I just do not want to hear that mother's hale "MMMmmooooommmm!" I just want to sit cozied up and warm in my blanket surfing the net, not attending to other people's needs! Then when I "man up" so to speak, I find out the effect my presence can have and how in the end it is for my benefit as well as for others that I attend their needs.

My poor little girl has been coughing up a lung and here I sat annoyed that she's sick and that God won't zap her healed like I asked Him to. Yet when I get up and go to sooth her and spend just a bit of time sitting with her, stroking her hair and reassuring her that she'll be alright, she falls asleep within minutes and stops coughing. It's amazing! Then I realize how much of a arrogant, selfish twit I can be. She just needed a peaceful presence, a soothing presence to help her get to sleep.

I forget that she's a lot like me, that when she gets sick and feels absolutely miserable, fear creeps up on her and then overwhelms her. Like me, she fears that this sickness might be worse than it is. It's sadly annoying to see my weakness (or what I consider my weakness) so clearly transferred to onto her.

It's incredible how much your kids can mirror you as a parent. I see so much of me in her and I like it, and yet I am scared for her. All those things I wished I wasn't...

I wished I wasn't so affected by others opinion of me,
I wished I wasn't a picker (my face wishes this as well),
I wished I wasn't so easily distracted,
I wished I didn't get frustrated so easily,
I wished I didn't give up so easily,
I wished, I wished, I wished...

Some of these things I know how to curb, but some of them I have yet to conquer myself. How in the world do I help her conquer something I haven't even mastered?? Then there are the deeper fears that I keep shoved way down deep...what if she struggles with the same temptations I do? This is when I must force myself to hand that whole bit over COMPLETELY to God.

On the other hand, there are some things that are all me that I love to see in her, like her inability to lie effectively, and the way she pretty much tells on herself if she steps out of line with a well known rule. This is hilarious and joyous fun to see. It gives me hope for her teen years. Though it is unbelievably irritating at the time, she also refuses to give in on certain things, which will be beneficial later. This is a joint effort in the gene pool. Both Mitch and I have many things in which we cannot be moved. For me, it is my faith - though it is certainly shaken, it is not moved. For Mitch, in my observation, it is a code of ethics and values that will not move. I respect him for this and I think he respects me for mine. Once I get past the irritation of the inability to control my daughter's opinion, I will respect Tryniti for hers too. :)

Anyway, the thought for today (and once again I am preaching to myself here)...

Quit being so dang selfish and find out what God is trying to show you about yourself. I found out once again that my presence, my mere presence can make a huge difference and I am in awe that God would use me in such a simple and profound way.

Much love,

Adrielle